Why I'm Restarting Pixel Splatter

By Jessie Earl

Finally, after two years with nothing new whatsoever, I’m finally restarting Pixel Splatter. Yet, as I sit here, preparing myself to beginning writing again, I feel the need to create a written explanation and commitment to why I want to restart this blog and what I think it’s purpose is going forward.

When Pixel Splatter started, I wanted it to be a place where I could just write out my thoughts on pop culture and video games. A place to just say what I wanted to say. But quickly, I found myself getting excited and adding more and more people to the project in hopes of creating something bigger. Eventually, it became too much and, as with many creative projects, Pixel Splatter was abandoned.

Since then, a lot has changed in my life. I have graduated college. I met new people. I visited more places in the world. I got more experience. Maybe most importantly, to me personally anyways, I finally came out as a transwoman. Since that time over a year ago, I have grown a lot. I’ve become a new person. I’ve become, hopefully, more confident and have cultivated a larger understanding of myself and who I want to be. This transformation was not easy by any means. Mental health is always important. It’s not always easy to fight to make sure you maintain a positive and healthy relationship with your own mind. I shall leave things at that and say no more.

Now, more then a half a year since graduating, I find myself having a hard time pushing myself to do more. I sit bored, wanting desperately to write, to create. I feel it in my bones. Sometimes the desire keeps me up at night, making my blood race and my mind go wild. But, even with all that passion, I keep finding it hard to put pen to paper. Or fingers to keyboard to be more accurate. Starting this very article that you are reading was one of the hardest things to do. I stared at the blank page for 30 minutes, knowing what I wanted to say but not knowing how to say it.

So that’s the goal. To push myself to begin writing again. I’m going to continue this blog, just for myself, with the goal of putting something out at least once a week. It may not be good writing, It may not be interesting or worthwhile writing. But it will be writing. It will be me, sitting down and taking the time to try and articulate something. I don’t really care if anyone reads this. I certainly hope you do and I certainly hope you find that I have something worth saying. But in the end, this is for me in the hopes of finding a new way to push and motivate myself now that the structure of academia that I have had my entire life is gone.

Anyways, I know this article was basically just one long ramble. I didn’t really have any set ideas in my mind when I started writing this. I just knew that I wanted to get this stuff out and say it. I think that hopefully what I write from now on will be more concise. I hope you’ll join me and find what I have to say interesting. If not, thanks for reading this and I wish you the best of luck on whatever path you currently find yourself. Thanks for taking a moment to listen to me when our paths crossed.